Dear Mom,
So it's been two and a half weeks since my PBSC donation, and many thoughts and emotions have been going though me. It's so weird to think that I gave someone what they needed to survive; and the night of the donation, I was perfectly fine, like nothing even happened. I could move on with my life, fancy free.
Because of this, I became really unemotional about it all. People would ask me if I get to meet to donee. I would respond that I would have to wait either half a year, or a year, depending if the patient wants to meet me. To me, I didn't mind if I met the person or not. I did my part, went through the week long process. Just knowing I went through with it is exhilarating enough for me.
Then, about a week after the donation, I kicked it old school and watched some re-runs of "7th Heaven." In one of the episodes, a woman finally got to meet not just one donee, but three that received different organs from her son who died in a car accident. I was balling like a baby when I saw how emotional she was; so happy that her loss saved three lives. I know my situation is different. But it made me realize that if I ever do meet my recipient, I had better have a whole box of tissues with me. It's going to be so much more emotional than I thought.
Another thought I've been having is a silly question I have been asked a lot.
"What made you decide to donate?"
Now, to me, that is a silly question. And one that is hard to answer without sounding..... snobbish? I mean, I do have a reason for signing up for the registry. A short time after you passed away, I wanted a direct way to help, to give back. I don't remember what I googled one day, but somehow I came upon the Be the Match registry. I read through some of the information and process details, and was dismayed to see that I had to wait until I was 18 to sign up. I talked to my aunt about it, and she was very excited about it all.
So I guess that is one answer to that question. My mom died of Leukemia, so I wanted to save someone else from their battle. But that is a little close and personal. And an unnecessary answer. I mean, to me, if it took someone to die for someone else to sign up, what good would that do? I mean, why can't the answer be plain and simple.
"I just wanted to save a life."
It really is that simple. I mean the odds of a patient to match with someone else's bone marrow are MICROSCOPIC. I feel like just knowing that, people should sign up. If you are healthy and able, are cancer free, are between the ages of 18 and 60, meet the BMI requirements, and have never had spinal surgery, why WOULDN'T you sign up? Call me crazy, but it seems selfish to just sit around and not take action. All you have to do is sign up, and there's a 53/54 chance you will never get called in your lifetime. If you do get chosen, so you go through some manageable pain? Think about what your recipient has to go through every day with their battle of cancer. There is no comparison.
Sorry, I just got really mad all of a sudden. It just.... makes sense to me. I mean, for me, donating gave me a whole new perspective on things. Look at my passion for Be the Match! It means SO much to me when people tell me that I have inspired them to sign up, or when they let me know they are already in the registry. Whether it was someone as close to me as Nancy or Lou Lou (who sent her kit in the mail today! Yay!) or a stranger who was at closing ceremonies at Relay for Life and heard my story. I am so glad I can make a difference.
But you know me, I am never satisfied. I wish more people would sign up. I wish all of my friends would sign up. Heck, I wish it was a requirement for people to sign up! Wouldn't that be something. Think of how many more people could be saved if every healthy person in the world was signed up onto the registry.
Alright, well that's my rant for the night. This is me wishing that more people could be like me, and tell people that "I just wanted to save a life." I can't force people to make that decision though, I know that. It is a big step to take. But then again, maybe it isn't. Maybe it really is simple.
Love your baby doll,
Tessy Loo Loo
P.S. Again, if you read this, please consider following the link and registering for Be the Match. You have the power to save a life.
Dear Mom,
So this is day three for me in SF. And I have to say I'm a little weary, but I know I am going to try and make the most of next year. Even in these first few days I have seen what I need to do.
I need to spend more time with the people who really made school enjoyable for me last year. I kept overlooking all the people who were right in front of me. This year, I am going to make more time for my friends; not just babysit and study.
STOP SPENDING SO MUCH MONEY. Save save save. I think buying my own groceries and not having an allowance is really opening my eyes to the "adult world."
Try harder with school. Go to office hours more, even if it's just to ask one question. Form study groups. Actually use textbooks. Bring hw to babysitting jobs.
Do more sorority activities. Get more involved. Don't be afraid to try new things.
Hopefully all this isn't SO impossible. But I know I won't reach any goals if I don't make them. So all I can do is hope that this year brings me many more opportunities.
I know you'll be there in spirit guiding me through it all. <3
Love your baby doll,
Tessy Loo Loo
Dear Mom,
I can't believe I did it. I can't believe that it's all over. It seems like just yesterday I was called almost four months ago, for being a possible match. Now it's the day after for me, and the recipient is receiving my donated PBSC as I type this.
After all the shots, doctors appointments and bloodwork, the drives to UCSF, the pricking and poking, I see why I had to do this. You see mom, even though yesterday was one of the scariest days ever, considering the fact I hate hospitals and needles; What I went through in a mere five days was nothing compared to what my recipient, and all cancer patients, go through every day.
As I was sitting in the hospital bed yesterday morning, the big metal needle where the blood was coming out of me and into the spinner machine in my right arm, and they were now taking multiple tries to put an IV into my other hand, I sat there crying; hating the pricking, feeling nauseous and over-exhausted, wanting to go home. I just tried to breathe, and made myself remember that I would get to go home at the end of the day. Others are not so lucky.
I think the most annoying part of the entire day, besides my legs and arms being sore from sitting there for 7 hours, was the nausea. I threw up on the drive to SF the night before, once that morning in the hotel, once in the waiting room, and then once all over myself in the hospital bed. I knew it was the side effects from the drugs, because it had happened a couple days before. They were all worried, and one woman even wanted to draw blood for a pregnancy test. Lady, that would be a complete waste of your time, and even more pricking that I didn't want.
So trying to do this whole process on an empty stomach, causing my veins to be shy, was no bueno. Once they gave me the nausea meds that calmed me down, it was smooth sailing from there. The blood machine stopped beeping every two minute from lack of pressure, from my fingers slightly moving, or from my vein spasms. I was relaxed, watched some shows on TBS, drank some juice, and suddenly we only had one more hour to go.
As I watched the numbers on the machine go up, counting my stem cell collection count, I was relieved. I'm a visual person, and a numbers person, so it was cool to actually see the progress I was making. All they needed from me was half a bag of my stem cells, and I could watch it fill up. I could look at that, and eventually I allowed myself to move my left hand around and look at my IV, but I never had to look at right arm. I didn't even realize that my right arm was free of the needle and such until he had me start moving it up and down, for the first time in 7 hours.
My aunt got all excited when the blood machine went off, saying that everything was collected. It was 1:20 when it was finally all done. I checked in at 6:30 that morning, and after all the prep, started the collection at about 7:45. Needless to say, I was very happy it was all over.
I stayed on the IV for another 10 minutes, allowing the rest of my blood to get back in. It took about 20 minutes to be able to sit up, then stand. I was just relieved my bladder wasn't exploding to the max.
So I guess the nausea left with the collection because when I hobbled back from the bathroom and there was lunch waiting for me on the bed, I swallowed it whole. I had my aunt take a (not very attractive) picture of me eating the banana to show Lou and Nancy that I was feeling a hell of a lot better. I even ate some Ms. Vicki's jalepeno chips, finishing them from the short distance from the school subway to the car.
Now I'm sitting here in my living room, typing this up, bandaid still on my left hand. (There's two pokes under this one, no way I'm taking this off on my own.) I can't believe I got to do this. I was only on the registry for a few months... and now I am sitting here, knowing that a cancer patient is receiving my life saving bone marrow.
People keep telling me that I'm a great person, their hero, and whatnot. But honestly Mom, if it wasn't for you, I don't know if I would have ever signed up. I knew that when I turned 18, I wanted to make a difference in your honor. Fate be have it, I happened to be a perfect match for someone in need. And I have you to thank for it.
It doesn't take much to be a hero. All you need to do is sign up, and let fate work it's course. I hope people read this and know that I'm not the only one who can do this. Most people can sign up; I just hope that those who are of age and of good health WILL sign up. I may have saved one life, but there are plenty of other patients out there who need help.
I know you're proud of me mom. I am so glad I could do this for you. Like Laura Lou said during her emotional closing ceremonies speech in honor of me: this is my way of fighting back. Not just having a Relay team for you, but for signing up and getting the word out for Be the Match. It's just too simple. I'm healthy and able, so there was no reason NOT to sign up.
Okay, I guess I should close this up. Yesterday was an incredible day that I will never forget. I just hope that the recipient will be okay, and will have a healthy recovery, free from cancer.
Thanks for being my inspiration mom.
Love your baby doll,
Tessy Loo Loo
P.S. For anyone who reads this, please consider signing up for the registry. It's easy to sign up. You may be called within a few weeks after registration, or never at all. But you'll never know if you can save someone who is battling a life-threatening blood disease until you make that step and sign up for the registry. Visit Be the Match today.
