Dear Mom,
This morning as I got ready to work
out, and slipped on my Idaho shirt that you bought me, my mind drifted to the
seventh grade. Your work was sending you to a week-long training class, and it
would be the first time that you were leaving a trip without me. I felt so
silly that I was sad. I mean come on, I had been on a handful of leadership
conferences and weekends away with friends. Why was it different now?
Nevertheless, as you were getting
ready to sneak away to the airport early that morning, I followed you out, and
before I knew it I was standing in the driveway crying. You pulled me in for a
hug, and I knew you felt bad. At that point in my life, that was one of my
hardest days, seeing you go… even though I knew you would be back 6 days later.
I smiled thinking about this,
remembering how I would call her a couple times a day (like I always did when
we were far apart). One time you answered your phone from your hotel suite’s
Jacuzzi tub, living up your little vacation. Even though I missed you, I was
happy that you got to have some time to yourself.
In the first few months after you
passed away, that week often crossed my mind. It was so sad to think about how
upset I was to see you go, when you would also be gone for a short amount of
time. When now… you’re really gone. How was the mommy’s girl supposed to deal
with that?
As the
years have passed it has gotten a little easier. At first it was incredibly
hard. So many times I grabbed my phone to call you, to tell you about something
funny that had happened. It was surreal that you couldn’t be there for all the
little things. That I couldn’t hear your laugh anymore. Everything was
different.
Now I have a better grip of things.
Why? Because I know that you ARE here. You’re always with me, in everything I
do. When I mess up and feel guilty, you’re there to tell me it’s okay, and that
I’ll learn from my mistakes. You’re there with me to watch the big things, like
birthdays and graduation. You’re there when I laugh, you’re there when I cry.
You’re there, just in a different way.
As much as I miss you, and as much as
I hate the hard days, I still can smile at the fact that I am the luckiest girl
in the world. Not only did I get you as my mom, but I got you as a guardian
angel too.
Love your babydoll,
Tessy Loo Loo
