For Katie.

Dear Mom,

I know most of my blogs are about you, or at least, I talk to you. But this entry is going to be a little different. I want to talk about someone else who is special to me. 

This, is Katie. 

Katie is my sorority sister. She is kind-hearted, beautiful, and is true. To herself, AGD, and with all of her friends. 

She has this spirit about her that lights up the room, and she doesn't even have to try. She is one of the reasons I stuck with sorority life. 

All in all, she is a great friend, and an amazing human being. 

So when I checked facebook from my phone at the dinner table on June 10th, my stomach sank to the floor. You see Mom, Katie was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia. I cried and cried... I didn't want to believe it was true.

With time I have seen that Katie has been fighting, and she is even stronger than I thought. What an amazing woman. To have to go through this, yet she is still cheery whenever I talk to her. Every day I text her a random fact or quote, just to help to keep in touch with her, and to try and keep a smile on her face. I love hearing back from her... It keeps a smile on my face too. :) 

If you could do anything in your power to watch over her and protect her Momma, I would love that. I can share you as my guardian angel for her. 

For anyone else reading this, please pray for a healthy recovery for Katie. You can visit her CaringBridge site to donate a tribute to her!

And Katie, I love you with all my heart. This blog entry does not do you justice for how much you mean to me. 

Thank you Katie, for making a difference in my life, and for being another great inspiration for me. I can't imagine what you're going through, but I do know that you are strong. And that you will beat that stupid cancer! 

So now Mom, I am doing my PBSC donation for you, and for Katie. <3

I love you.

               Love your baby doll,

               Tessy Loo Loo

Mrs. Tess's Mom.

Dear Mom,


Awhile ago, Kayla looked through an old TP yearbook, and found this:

It makes me smile to see your handwriting. Especially since what you are writing is a (normal) smartass comment. 

I remember being sad that when you taught math for my class, you hardly ever taught my group. I'm sure that was done on purpose; but I still thought it would be cool if you were my teacher. 

All the kids loved you, which made me happy. Sorry, writer's block, I'm tired and can't form complete thoughts. 

I'm trying to remember if it was Marshall who gave you your nickname? All I know is that you went along with it and loved helping out the class. 

I guess I am too tired to think straight. Wish I had more to say but I guess this is all for now. 

Love you.

               Love your baby doll,

               Tessy Loo Loo

It's all in your head.

Dear Mom,


Attempting to do this from my phone... we'll see how this works out haha.
This past week I have been struggling, thinking. About school, the transplant coming up, my friends, you. I've overloaded myself with so much stress, that I'm letting my summer slip away from me. I'm trying to work on that...


I'm trying to open up more
I'm trying to be more positive
I'm trying to just let thing work their course
I really do think too much. Sometimes I get upset over the littlest things... a friend doesn't text back, people can't make plans, stupid things.
But do they really matter?
I guess what I'm trying to say that I'm growing up, and its hard. Especially without you.
But I guess the only thing I can do is enjoy the rest of my summer. I still have 5 more shows of Big River, in 12 days I am donating PBSC, Relay for Life is soon... I have so many things to look forward to, and I need to not freak out over stupid stresses.
I still haven't posted many updates on the donation... basically in one week a home hospital nurse will start the drug injections for me, and the adventure will really begin. All I have left now, is waiting.
Missing you.

                                                                               Love Your Baby Doll,

Tessy Loo Loo         . 

"Your Mother and Mine."

Dear Mom, 


I can't seem to get myself to sleep, because I have this song stuck in my head. This happened while trying to google "disney mom quotes" and this was the only thing that came up. 

She's the angel voice that bids you goodnight
Kisses your cheek, whispers, "Sleep tight."


What makes mothers all that they are?
Might as well ask, "What makes a star?"
Ask your heart to tell you her worth
Your heart will say ,"Heaven on earth."




I never really listened to this song before. Now I will. 
I miss you a lot mommy. Sorry I haven't updated this blog much. I've been meaning to do an update with my bone marrow stuff, but I keep forgetting. I will, soon. 




                 Love your babydoll, 
                 Tessy Loo Loo

Stressed. But what else is new?

Dear Mom,

This has been a roller coaster of a weekend. To put in as few words as possible: you never know what life is going to throw at you. And time is a precious thing. I wish everything that my friends are going through would just go away and we all could live a simple care-free summer. But I know life doesn't work like that. The new set of graduates are leaving (3 are going out of state), and I guess it's just hitting me hard. Plus, my friend from school received some of the worst news of her life. 
Sometimes I shut myself out when I'm sad. Then I remind myself how blessed I am to have such supportive friends. 

With all these goofy faces, it's hard to stay stressed. Thank goodness I get to see a lot of these doofs more often now. 

Anyway, don't worry about me. I just worry about my friends when things get tough for them. I hope things clear up soon. 

Miss you. <3 Please watch over Katie for me in her new life journey. Hopefully I will get myself to write more about that later. 

                Love your Baby Doll,

                Tessy Loo Loo

I'm the Match.

Dear Mom, 

So many emotions are running through me right now, it's insane. I'm excited, happy, scared, anxious. It's so insane that this journey of mine to try and donate bone marrow has been so short. I barely registered in November, and now half a year later I find out that I'm a perfect match for a patient. I know in my heart that this was meant to be. 

When I got the email from one of the donor center workers, I knew what this meant. I knew that I was about to go through a life changing experience. Not as much for me, but for the patient. I can't even imagine what she and her family are going through. I only hope that the transplant works and that she can try to be healthy again. 

I'm still a little unsure of the process. All I know is that a home hospital nurse will come to my house for the five days leading up to the donation, injecting me with the drug that increases my PBSC count. (This means I still get to do the play! I just might be in pain.) Then the night before the donation, my aunt and I will drive to Stanford or UCSF or wherever, and stay there until the process is done. I had no idea how crazy the PBSC donation is... you have to be hooked up to the blood machine thingy for 6 hours. SIX. I thought it was a five minute blood drawing, haha. Since I'm not bulky, they're breaking out the donation over two days so I do not completely pass out. I guess I'll bring some magazines? Not really sure how this is going to work haha. 

Honestly, I don't care. The discomfort I will be going through is nothing compared to what this patient has been suffering through. That alone will push me to be strong through everything. I'm not that good with a simple shot or blood drawing, so this is going to be quite an accomplishment for me to get through this. And I will be proud of myself once it's all over.

It's kind of cool that the next weekend will be Relay for Life. It will be a huge reminder of why I am doing all this. 

On that note Mommy, I want to thank you. Without you, I never would have looked up Be the Match, and I never would have signed up to donate. People tell me that they're proud of me, but I am proud of YOU. I am proud of the example you set for me, and I admire you for being so strong. You may not have won your battle, but I will never forget how strong and how hard you worked throughout the rest of your life. I can only hope that this procedure goes well, and that I will truly feel like I gave back for everything you gave me. <3 

Stop crying. :) Do angels still cry? Probably. Anyway, I love you, with all my heart. 

This is really happening. It's not just a dream anymore. :)


               Love your baby doll, 
               Tessy Loo Loo

Seems like yesterday.

Dear Mom,


Felt like doing some poem writing. Packing has made me so nostalgic. The twirling of the hair thing is what made me want to write this. I will always remember when we were talking about freshman orientation, and you pointed out that you knew I was nervous because I twirled my hair while I walked up to the gym. Reason number 32985480 you know me so well. 


Brand new shoes. 
straightened my hair, to look extra nice
Tons of perfume


Nervousness
I snap at you because I'm so out of it
The car ride seems forever


We get to the gym.
Freshman orientation.
What am I getting myself into?


I get out of the car, 
twirling my hair, my signature nervousness tweak,
And walk away from my past, and look forward to the future


High school.
It's really here.
The start of something new, a whole new world.


Four years, or four seconds.
Filled with memories, tears
It's like one big flash


Now I'm in my college dorm,
packing up, one year down
This is unreal.


I'm not that baby freshman walking to old gym
But I don't feel any older
Can time please stop


If I could show five years ago me what life turned out like
she would have screamed
Things have changed so much


No regrets.
So cliche, but I mean it.
Life has thrown its curveballs, but I survived them all


So freshman me,
How did I turn out?
Am I all that you wanted me to be?




                Love your babydoll,
                Tessy Loo Loo