Dear Mom,
I've been neglected to write, because sometimes I have so many things to say, and it's hard to keep it to one central theme of an entry.
This weekend I had an amazing time at Alpha Gam's retreat this weekend. I always love re-bonding with my sisters, growing more and more proud of the group of women I get to be a part of. It's not just the emotional bonding games, staying in a creepy haunted house together all weekend; it's all the things in between for retreat.. The little things that add up to the big moments.
I started thinking about all the close friends that I have in my life. whether from school or home. And I have come to realize that a good majority of them are about to be at a different place in life.
A lot of my friends are graduating college.
A lot of my friends live in a different state.
A lot of my friends are still in high school.
A lot of my friends are transferring to a different school.
Thinking about all this, I can't help but wish I was at a different point in my life. I wish I was older, so I could share those college memories with all of my older friends, and not lag behind. I feel like all my older friends are growing up, obviously. But I feel like pretty soon they are going to have their life together... have their life together in a way that is completely different from mine. I'm not trying to be selfish, I want my friends to happy and live their life to the fullest. But it also sucks feeling like everyone is slipping out of your reach.
And thus the story of growing up is continuing to be written. I know growing up equals change. But hey, you know me, I'm not one for change. If anything I want to skip ahead 5 years, to get a glimpse at where I will be, who will still be in my life, what I will be doing. Maybe if I saw something I didn't like, I would change things now. Maybe not.
I know that no matter what, everything happens for a reason. And the people who truly matter in my life will always be there for me, in some way, shape or form. But it's weird thinking about how pretty soon when I go home for breaks, there won't be friends to go home to. At least, not like before.
And this entry doesn't include all of those friends who still live at home, still will be here at school next year, and whatnot. I am thankful for those who will still be around. But... oh man I'm talking in circles. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I really want life to take a pause, and just slow down.
What would you say to all this? What would you want me to do? I have so many stresses running through my head. "My friends are moving!" "What if I don't get into my major?" "How will I be able to come home for winter break if I'm not in the city making money babysitting, how will I pay for gas money?" "Do I want to move in with friends next year?"Do I want to study abroad?" "Do I really know what I'm doing with my life?"
I'm pretty sure you would hug me and tell me I worry too much. And I know I do. But I learned that from you.
Anyway, I really miss you. Wish I could vent to you in person, but making myself write to you is the next best thing. I was really happy this morning... A sister told me today (via note) that she found it pretty brave that I have this blog, that it's so inspiring and heartfelt. I love that even people who don't know you are able to enjoy reading this. Give me even more drive to make more entries to you.
Anyway, this is me talking in circles. But, whatever. I love you, and I will try and write more. <3
Love your baby doll,
Tessy Loo Loo
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