Kindness, generosity, selflessness. What's in a word?

Dear Mom,


Today in CAD we discussed in groups what traits we felt were passed down to us from the people around us in our lives. I said "putting others before myself." I didn't like the word generosity because I felt it wasn't specific enough, and selfless is a loaded word. But that's the first trait I think of when I think of you, and I would like to think that I possess that as well.


People have always told me that you were one of the nicest people they had ever met, that you had a big heart, that you helped people without a second thought. I have always admired that about you. I don't think I ever took for granted you were always so involved in my life, and with the people around me. I was always happy to see you there, giving others your smiling face, willing to make their day somehow better. That was just who you were. 


Sometimes I laugh at myself at how much I look up to you. It's as if I only see you in a positive light. Which, of course, is not bad. But I guess now that you're gone, it's hard to remember that you weren't perfect. (No one is, of course. I hate that word.) But I just can't be mad at you. It's impossible. That may sound really weird to think about... but I just think it's funny that I look up to you as if you're this flawless god; that guardian angel looking over me. I guess it's really cool we will never have a fight ever again, right? 


If I were to ever be mad at you, it would be that I'm sad you never asked for help. I don't want to get into this, but I just remember how that last week went, and how it took you a week to see a doctor, when I think deep down you knew something was wrong. Because of that, I finally taught myself to learn to ask others for help. I'm glad I learned from your mistakes. 


Wow, talk about a random post. That's just how my mind is floating around, being sick and stressed and all. (Ha, I just hiccuped. I always think of you when I do.) I guess all I am trying to say, is that I am glad that you were such a selfless person. You were the best role model me, and because of you, I set standards for myself to try and be like that myself. 




              Love your Baby Doll,
               Tessy Loo Loo