Talk with your eyes, not your mouth.

Dear Mom,


Man am I going through some roller coasters. And man do I wish I could have you hug me and kiss me on the cheek like you used to. 


I can't exactly pinpoint what's going on so I guess I'll just talk. So, today is Valentine's Day. I honestly don't care about being single today. I've always been single for Valentine's Day, and never mind making plans with friends instead of with a guy. But something hit me tonight. Thinking about all the boys who have let me down, and past stuff with friends.


Words, sometimes, mean nothing. 
Promises are forgotten.
Friendships are lost, enemies are formed.
Miscommunication happens. 
No matter how good of a person you are, people will still screw you over. 




Yeah, I know, I sound super cheery right now. I'm not even going to repost this on my facebook wall because I don't want to be that pathetic girl who is venting on Valentine's Day. But I promise that there is a point to me saying all this. 


Look at these pictures.

Now, sometimes I feel like pictures shouldn't need captions. Looking at these photos, I can see what words would try and express what's going on. Smiles don't just happen with the mouth; it's really about the eyes. Someone's eyes can say so much, without speaking any words. That whole saying "actions speak louder than words?" Yeah, they do. 

Idk, maybe I'm talking in circles. All I'm saying is that I've been let down by so many people. It's hard to have a good attitude about love and relationships, when you've constantly been reminded of what can go wrong, and that people will always find reasons for why you are not good enough.

Then I look at these pictures. 

I see happiness.

I see life.

I see family.

I see love. 

These pictures, along with other memorabilia, are all I have left of you. And honestly, they show more promise to love than all of those who have let me down in my life. You holding my hand in that picture is a symbol. 

"I will always be here with you, every step of the way."

Is it weird that I'm comparing my shitty love life to a picture from when I was little? Maybe. But it makes sense to me. People can let you down and make you feel worthless and replaceable. But the people that really matter, they're the ones who show the promises they don't have to even say out loud. I mean heck, I couldn't even say when the last time you went out with a guy. It wasn't while I was alive. And look, look at how happy you are. You continued to love and spread love to everyone around you, even if maybe you didn't have as much as everyone else did. 

I long for the day when I have my own daughter, and get to experience this kind of never ending love. 

You give me hope, Mom. 

                      Love your baby doll,

             Tessy Loo Loo