Somber morning dreams.

Dear Mom,

When I went back to bed this morning, I had the weirdest dream. A whole bunch of us went to the movies, but I couldn't figure out what was going on. I was being antisocial or something. The movie and Nancy and someone else wanted to see, you had already seen, so we decided to watch 27 Dresses, or was it Valentine's Day? Something that I own, so it really didn't make sense why we would pay money to see one and not the other. Anyway, I went to grab seats in the balcony of that theatre (some fancy movie theatre) and waited there the entire movie, but you and someone else had already grabbed seats on the main level. I was very angry! We got out of our movie and you went home, walking and talking with someone else and I couldn't get your attention.
I waited for the other movie to get out, which I guess actually was a 4 hour disney movie, that kind of reminded me of Epic Mickey, but when the theatre door opened it looked like colors of the wind from Pocahontas. So i had to wait there for another hour before Danny, Ashlyn, Laura, and I don't remember who else, to get out. 
I woke up confused. And angry, because I wanted to hang out with you some more. I think you were ignoring me because I shouldn't have been sleeping, if I'm so stresseed about with school and work. As I probably should be working on my project right now, and not writing this. 
See, this is why I have grown a hatred for sleeping in. I don't mind as much now, but a few years ago it freaked me out. I didn't want to see you in my going-back-to-sleep-super-weird-over-the-top dreams. I knew if I decided to fall back asleep in the morning, that's when I would dream about you. 
Now I cherish those dreams. Seeing you in my sleep is better than not seeing you at all. Even if it's only for a few minutes. 
I miss you. <3


                Love your babydoll,
                Tessy Loo Loo

Surprise trip.

Dear Mom, 


This is going to be a quick entry since I should be in bed. But I had a really strange dream last night. Or strange enough for me to still remember it now. 


So Sara was all packed up to go to Disneyland, and she informed me that I was going too. Sweet right? But she was being all secretive, like she was hiding something. As I was about to make a call to ask permission to go, all of a sudden we were at disneyland. Sara. Me. And you. 


It was the best surprise in the world. 


I don't remember much after that. I just remember cuddling with you, watching the fireworks. You were so happy being there with me. And I just couldn't believe that you were there with me, at the happiest place on earth. Of course, now any place with you could be the happiest place in the entire universe. 


I woke up feeling warm and comforted like no other. It wasn't until I woke up in the morning later, that I got a hit of sadness, wishing that it was real.


Nevertheless, I like it when you check up on me like that in my dreams. Of course I wish I could see you in real life. But if seeing you in my dreams is the only option, then I'll take it. 




               Love your baby doll,
                Tessy Loo Loo 

Missing you, and everything else.

Dear Mom,


Today when I was taking a glorious nap, I had a dream. It was of course a random dream, and had nothing to do with you. I was lost at an airport with some friends, and all I remember is thinking about a zebra, and thinking of you, then I started crying. (In the dream.) It made no sense. 
It kind of carried on over to real life though. Of course I miss you all the time, but I guess it took a random dream to remind me again. When I woke up from the dream, all I wanted was to cuddle with you.


You're not the only one I miss. Sometimes I feel far away from some of my closest friends. It's really hard to not communicate with people you used to talk to all the time. I wish I knew how to fix that. 
This is a weird sense of loneliness. Some people I feel closer to than I would have ever imagined. But maybe that's because I had to fill in space for the ones who decided to replace me. 


When I miss you, I get into thinking mode, and start thinking about everything in a gloomy and critical light. I guess that's what makes this blog good for me. 


So now I am going to go to sleep, and wake up to a brand new day. (It's hard to say that without cringing since I absolutely despise Mondays.)


I love you.




              Love your baby doll,
               Tessy Loo Loo