Small dream grows: the road to the donor drive.

Dear Mom,

"There's nothing more life changing than saving a life."
"I'm committed to saving lives."
"Being a donor forever binds you."
"Love ties people together"
"I am forever bound to something that's bigger than myself"
"Committed to donate, committed to save a life."

These are just some of the ideas from a brainstorming sesh between Ashlyn and me, for the artwork she is donating to my donor drive. Donor drive? Yes, my dream is finally becoming a reality. On January 11th, I am holding an event to sign people up for Be the Match. 

It's crazy to think that this time two years ago, I had barely signed up for the registry. It was more like a bucket list thing. I never thought I would actually get matched to someone. 

Now here I am, trying to study for finals while organizing a donor drive, with the help of the mayor of Hollister and Robert Guerrero. I have the help of many local donors and volunteers, and the support of so many people. This is going to be INSANE. Insanely GREAT. 

I mean come one, is this real life?! 

I am so lucky to be from such a loving and generous community. I have tons of donors, like how Taunya is going to be crocheting like crazy, Tina's trying to get one of her Sharks photographs autographed, SBSC is donating a membership basket, Lindsay is donating a gift certificate for her cupcakes and is also making cupcakes for the actual event... and now Janell with Oragami Owl Jewelry is going to do an online jewelry party with me, where half the proceeds go toward the drive! 

My biggest fear is that people won't show up to the event. I can spread the word and talk about it all I want. But people actually taking the time to attend, and make that decision to sign up, that's a different story. All I can do is push push push, and hope for the best. 

And once again, you are my inspiration for all the crazy things that I do. Like running for philanthropy coordinator for AGD... so there's another path of opportunities. :) 

Love you mom. Forever and ever. 

                Love your babydoll,

                Tessy Loo Loo

Since it's Nancy's birthday tomorrow.

Dear Mom,

So I haven't written in awhile because things have been crazy busy. Junior year is kicking my butt. 

I thought I would tribute this entry to a certain person's birthday tomorrow. Why not? 

I remember when the two of you started getting closer when I was in about the 4th grade. Danny got

me into doing theatre, and it was during my first show that you guys started spending a lot of time together. As Danny and I would hang out and cause trouble in the empty rehearsal room (which is now a furniture store, by the way), all you moms would be sewing away townspeople and native american costumes. We were then hanging out because of 4H, parents club meetings, and then began the never ending shopping trips. So many car trips happened, to Gilroy for dinner, or seeing plays together. The two of you were so different, yet so the same. You guys would enjoy ganging up on me, danny, or both of us simultaneously. We would give Danny rides to school, I would spend summers at the shop by his house, Nancy drove me places. A lot of it blurs together, into an embedded memory of the dynamic duo that I hold so close in my heart.

Now it's Fall of my junior year of college, and things have changed so much. One of the biggest changes wasn't so much a change, but an improvement, or growth: my ever-growing love and respect for this amazing woman. I have many places I like to call home, whether it's all of Hollister, being with my family, back roads, the granada theatre, etc. But I have to say that having Nancy as an extended momma is an entire definition of Home for me. When I'm with her, I feel you with me. She makes me feel loved, safe, supported, and complete. 

I could say so many things about this woman to show why I am proud to call her my momma. I am happy that I've gotten to perform with her on stage. I am thankful she has constantly given me rides to various places these past 11 years. I am forever grateful for her taking care of me and being there with me through our shared time of tragedy. Even though she was missing her best friend and hurting, she still putting my needs first. I cannot describe in sufficient words how proud of her I am for making the decision to make healthier choices, which led her to lose an incredibly impressive amount of weight, leading her to register for Be the Match. All of these things and more make me grateful to have her as one of my biggest role models.  

I love you Nancy. Thank you for being an amazing support system after all this time. You will always hold a special place in my heart. I am endlessly thankful that you are my mom's best friend, and that you are my second momma. Thank you for all the memories. Thank you for the laughs. Thank you for always being my go-to person when I need advice, or when I need some sense knocked into me. But most of all, thank you for being you. 

We miss you every day, Mom. Thanks for watching over us. 

                Love your babydoll, 

                Tessy Loo Loo 

So Magical.

Dear Mom,

This past weekend was Relay for Life, and let me tell you, it was AMAZING. It may have been one of the best years ever! I had an amazing time welcoming new team mates, and spending time with old ones. I just love the atmosphere of relay: our whole town coming together for one cause. 
Relay was even more special this year because Katie attended! I could tell how much fun she was having. She made herself right at home! I am glad she was able to experience such an amazing organization. 
Another reason why Relay was so special this year was because I did a speech during the fight back ceremony. I wrote it out a couple weeks in advance, and worked on it until it was perfect. I poured my whole heart out into it because I knew that would be the only way to reach out to people. So, here it is. 



When faced with tragedy, I am sure that many will agree, that one small 3 letter word tends come up. Why. Why me? Why did the unimaginable have to happen? It has been over 4 years since my mother passed away from Leukemia, and I still find myself asking that very question. But it is that very question that led me to the journey of a lifetime. C. S. Lewis said, “Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary adventure.” I wish I could have trademarked that quote myself, because that’s exactly how I would describe the recent events in my life.

When my mom passed away, my whole life turned upside down, and it took a long time for me to feel happy and find a new normal. Even though I was healing, I still couldn’t help asking, why. I couldn’t accept the fact that “these things just happen” and that “cancer is a horrible disease.” I wanted to take matters into my own hands. Even though I have supported Relay for Life and the American Cancer Society for many years, and now with a Team for my mom, it wasn’t enough. I wanted to be a direct part of the cause, I needed to find an answer to that “why.” Somewhere along the way while researching Leukemia, I came across the Be the Match Registry. After looking through their website for a few minutes, I was determined. When I turned 18, I was going to be a registered bone marrow donor.

I talked to some people about it, and many were concerned that I was making such a decision. “You know it hurts, right?” “It feels like a horse kicked you for a week.” But to me, I look at it like this. By donating bone marrow, I would probably go through a few days of pain. Cancer patients go through months, even years of battle. So what’s a few days of pain to someone who’s life is on the line? My mom passed away about 12 hours after her initial diagnosis. She had no chance of living. Who am I to not try and give someone else their chance?

Most registered donors go their whole lives without getting a call saying that could be a possible match for a patient with a life-threatening blood disease. Yet, I donated bone marrow to a complete stranger 8 months after I signed up for the registry. What people don’t know is that most donations are not done surgically anymore. I was able to do a peripheral blood stem cell donation. I was given drug injections to boost my stem cell count for four days in the comfort of my own home. My stem cells were collected on the fifth day, and it took about 7 hours to complete the process. It was kind of like donating blood at a blood drive, but longer and more precise. And no, it didn’t feel like a horse kicked me. The collection was sent off and transfused to my donor the next day. So with 5 days of drug injections that gave me flu-like side effects and minor muscle and bone aches, and 7 hours in a hospital, I was able to give someone a second chance at life. I’m like most people; I hate hospitals, and even now I still hate needles flinch when I get a blood test. But that didn’t stop me. Out of all the donors in the nation, I was the one who matched her. To be a direct part of someone else’s life like that, is the most empowering feeling imaginable.

So while all this was happening, someone else in my life was going a different direction on the same street. A couple weeks after I was told I was a match to my recipient, my good friend Katie Thompson was diagnosed with Leukemia. I was devastated that this disease had closely affected someone else in my life. It was later determined that she would also need a bone marrow transplant. Luckily her sister was a match for her, and their donation day was a month after mine. It bewilders me the way our lives have paralleled, but in a way it has made us a huge support system for each other. Katie experienced her first Relay for Life this weekend, rocking her purple shirt with pride. She has been in remission for over a year and hasn’t needed a blood transfusion in two months. She is living proof that miracles do happen, and bone marrow transplants are life-changing.

If even one person goes home today and signs up for the Be the Match Registry, I know I have done my job. A lot of people are scared to sign up, or don’t even know to do it. I am here today to tell you, that you CAN do it. People make it sound like it’s scarier than it really is. I can speak from experience and say it isn’t that bad. In fact, it’s inspiring. Not only that, but the staff with Be the Match go above and beyond to take care of their donors. I didn’t have to pay for a cent, from the pre-donation physical exam to gas money to go to the hospital. They take care of you, since you’re the one saving a life and everything it would only make sense.

Although I still don’t know the answer to my “why,” I am comforted. Because even though I couldn’t save my mom, I might have saved someone else’s. And that gives me my purpose in life. To inspire others to sign up to try to do the very same thing! You don’t need to experience tragedy to sign up, you don’t need to be a hero; you can just do it. Because you have the power to make a difference. You have the power to save a life.

I was so happy with myself that I didn't cry during the speech! (Although I almost did.) As I finished and started to walk off, I saw the left side of the stands, where all my family and friends were, rise and applaud for me. I smiled with pride. Having that kind of support in my life is what keeps me going, and is why I knew I would be able to do the speech. 

And if that wasn't good enough, our team received the Bob Johnson Memorial Award! So exciting for our team to be honored like that! Especially since the award came from friends. 

So it is safe to say that I had an amazing time this weekend. Oh! I cut my hair. Katie chopped off 12 inches! I feel like a 90's girl, so I guess I'll have to wear more denim or something. 

I love you mom. It always makes me sad to not see you at Relay. But I work even harder to raise money and awareness to honor you, your life and your fight. I love you with all my heart. 

                Love your babydoll,

                Tessy Loo Loo

Your gift

Dear Mom,

Two posts in one day! Aren't you lucky?
Alright, this is one of my tribute posts. About a year and a half ago, I posted one of my favorite pictures of you, the one with you holding a doll. Your beauty ceases to amaze me. Seriously, you are so angelic in that photo. 
Anyway, Jeremy Chase posted a comment on that photo. That little booger posted one of the most heartfelt pieces of writing ever written to me. I immediately typed it out on a word doc with the photo, printed it out, and it's been hanging in my room back home ever since. 
So, obviously I was going to post it here. I just didn't realize I hadn't done so already. 

Dec 11 2011
Looking at this doll, she knew someday that God would send her a gift. To be a mother, a carer, a provider, a friend.
She knew what would come would be a big grand adventure.
And girl was she right.
Most days were filled with laughter, some with tears, but she never feared 'cause happiness was just around the corner.
Unfortunately, there was a sad time in all our lives, when she had to pass on
She was taken, but is not gone, for she lives through every person see knew
And the best thing she left us on this earth was her gift, which was you.
By: Jeremy Chase.

Yeah, he's a pretty special dude. I realize more and more how thankful I am for him. One of the BEST things that came out of being best friends with Nathan was getting close with his family, especially Joome.

Sorry Jeremy. I try not to be all cutesy cutesy because I know you dislike it. I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate our friendship, and that I am forever grateful to have you in my life. Thank you. <3

So Mom, I think both of today's posts prove something very special:

I have amazing people in my life. With them, the hard times are very much cushioned. And I know you know I am in safe hands down here. I have just been extra thankful lately. 

                 Love your babydoll,

                 Tessy Loo Loo

I already miss them.

Dear Mom,

I've been neglected to write, because sometimes I have so many things to say, and it's hard to keep it to one central theme of an entry. 

This weekend I had an amazing time at Alpha Gam's retreat this weekend. I always love re-bonding with my sisters, growing more and more proud of the group of women I get to be a part of. It's not just the emotional bonding games, staying in a creepy haunted house together all weekend; it's all the things in between for retreat.. The little things that add up to the big moments. 

I started thinking about all the close friends that I have in my life. whether from school or home. And I have come to realize that a good majority of them are about to be at a different place in life. 
A lot of my friends are graduating college.
A lot of my friends live in a different state.
A lot of my friends are still in high school.
A lot of my friends are transferring to a different school.

Thinking about all this, I can't help but wish I was at a different point in my life. I wish I was older, so I could share those college memories with all of my older friends, and not lag behind. I feel like all my older friends are growing up, obviously. But I feel like pretty soon they are going to have their life together... have their life together in a way that is completely different from mine. I'm not trying to be selfish, I want my friends to happy and live their life to the fullest. But it also sucks feeling like everyone is slipping out of your reach.

And thus the story of growing up is continuing to be written. I know growing up equals change. But hey, you know me, I'm not one for change. If anything I want to skip ahead 5 years, to get a glimpse at where I will be, who will still be in my life, what I will be doing. Maybe if I saw something I didn't like, I would change things now. Maybe not. 

I know that no matter what, everything happens for a reason. And the people who truly matter in my life will always be there for me, in some way, shape or form. But it's weird thinking about how pretty soon when I go home for breaks, there won't be friends to go home to. At least, not like before. 

And this entry doesn't include all of those friends who still live at home, still will be here at school next year, and whatnot. I am thankful for those who will still be around. But... oh man I'm talking in circles. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I really want life to take a pause, and just slow down. 

What would you say to all this? What would you want me to do?  I have so many stresses running through my head. "My friends are moving!" "What if I don't get into my major?" "How will I be able to come home for winter break if I'm not in the city making money babysitting, how will I pay for gas money?" "Do I want to move in with friends next year?"Do I want to study abroad?" "Do I really know what I'm doing with my life?" 

I'm pretty sure you would hug me and tell me I worry too much. And I know I do. But I learned that from you. 

Anyway, I really miss you. Wish I could vent to you in person, but making myself write to you is the next best thing. I was really happy this morning... A sister told me today (via note) that she found it pretty brave that I have this blog, that it's so inspiring and heartfelt. I love that even people who don't know you are able to enjoy reading this. Give me even more drive to make more entries to you.

Anyway, this is me talking in circles. But, whatever. I love you, and I will try and write more. <3


               Love your baby doll,
               Tessy Loo Loo

For Katie.

Dear Mom,

I know most of my blogs are about you, or at least, I talk to you. But this entry is going to be a little different. I want to talk about someone else who is special to me. 

This, is Katie. 

Katie is my sorority sister. She is kind-hearted, beautiful, and is true. To herself, AGD, and with all of her friends. 

She has this spirit about her that lights up the room, and she doesn't even have to try. She is one of the reasons I stuck with sorority life. 

All in all, she is a great friend, and an amazing human being. 

So when I checked facebook from my phone at the dinner table on June 10th, my stomach sank to the floor. You see Mom, Katie was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia. I cried and cried... I didn't want to believe it was true.

With time I have seen that Katie has been fighting, and she is even stronger than I thought. What an amazing woman. To have to go through this, yet she is still cheery whenever I talk to her. Every day I text her a random fact or quote, just to help to keep in touch with her, and to try and keep a smile on her face. I love hearing back from her... It keeps a smile on my face too. :) 

If you could do anything in your power to watch over her and protect her Momma, I would love that. I can share you as my guardian angel for her. 

For anyone else reading this, please pray for a healthy recovery for Katie. You can visit her CaringBridge site to donate a tribute to her!

And Katie, I love you with all my heart. This blog entry does not do you justice for how much you mean to me. 

Thank you Katie, for making a difference in my life, and for being another great inspiration for me. I can't imagine what you're going through, but I do know that you are strong. And that you will beat that stupid cancer! 

So now Mom, I am doing my PBSC donation for you, and for Katie. <3

I love you.

               Love your baby doll,

               Tessy Loo Loo

Stressed. But what else is new?

Dear Mom,

This has been a roller coaster of a weekend. To put in as few words as possible: you never know what life is going to throw at you. And time is a precious thing. I wish everything that my friends are going through would just go away and we all could live a simple care-free summer. But I know life doesn't work like that. The new set of graduates are leaving (3 are going out of state), and I guess it's just hitting me hard. Plus, my friend from school received some of the worst news of her life. 
Sometimes I shut myself out when I'm sad. Then I remind myself how blessed I am to have such supportive friends. 

With all these goofy faces, it's hard to stay stressed. Thank goodness I get to see a lot of these doofs more often now. 

Anyway, don't worry about me. I just worry about my friends when things get tough for them. I hope things clear up soon. 

Miss you. <3 Please watch over Katie for me in her new life journey. Hopefully I will get myself to write more about that later. 

                Love your Baby Doll,

                Tessy Loo Loo