Dear Mom,
So this is day three for me in SF. And I have to say I'm a little weary, but I know I am going to try and make the most of next year. Even in these first few days I have seen what I need to do.
I need to spend more time with the people who really made school enjoyable for me last year. I kept overlooking all the people who were right in front of me. This year, I am going to make more time for my friends; not just babysit and study.
STOP SPENDING SO MUCH MONEY. Save save save. I think buying my own groceries and not having an allowance is really opening my eyes to the "adult world."
Try harder with school. Go to office hours more, even if it's just to ask one question. Form study groups. Actually use textbooks. Bring hw to babysitting jobs.
Do more sorority activities. Get more involved. Don't be afraid to try new things.
Hopefully all this isn't SO impossible. But I know I won't reach any goals if I don't make them. So all I can do is hope that this year brings me many more opportunities.
I know you'll be there in spirit guiding me through it all. <3
Love your baby doll,
Tessy Loo Loo
Monday, August 20, 2012
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
That one time I donated bone marrow.
Dear Mom,
I can't believe I did it. I can't believe that it's all over. It seems like just yesterday I was called almost four months ago, for being a possible match. Now it's the day after for me, and the recipient is receiving my donated PBSC as I type this.
After all the shots, doctors appointments and bloodwork, the drives to UCSF, the pricking and poking, I see why I had to do this. You see mom, even though yesterday was one of the scariest days ever, considering the fact I hate hospitals and needles; What I went through in a mere five days was nothing compared to what my recipient, and all cancer patients, go through every day.
As I was sitting in the hospital bed yesterday morning, the big metal needle where the blood was coming out of me and into the spinner machine in my right arm, and they were now taking multiple tries to put an IV into my other hand, I sat there crying; hating the pricking, feeling nauseous and over-exhausted, wanting to go home. I just tried to breathe, and made myself remember that I would get to go home at the end of the day. Others are not so lucky.
I think the most annoying part of the entire day, besides my legs and arms being sore from sitting there for 7 hours, was the nausea. I threw up on the drive to SF the night before, once that morning in the hotel, once in the waiting room, and then once all over myself in the hospital bed. I knew it was the side effects from the drugs, because it had happened a couple days before. They were all worried, and one woman even wanted to draw blood for a pregnancy test. Lady, that would be a complete waste of your time, and even more pricking that I didn't want.
So trying to do this whole process on an empty stomach, causing my veins to be shy, was no bueno. Once they gave me the nausea meds that calmed me down, it was smooth sailing from there. The blood machine stopped beeping every two minute from lack of pressure, from my fingers slightly moving, or from my vein spasms. I was relaxed, watched some shows on TBS, drank some juice, and suddenly we only had one more hour to go.
As I watched the numbers on the machine go up, counting my stem cell collection count, I was relieved. I'm a visual person, and a numbers person, so it was cool to actually see the progress I was making. All they needed from me was half a bag of my stem cells, and I could watch it fill up. I could look at that, and eventually I allowed myself to move my left hand around and look at my IV, but I never had to look at right arm. I didn't even realize that my right arm was free of the needle and such until he had me start moving it up and down, for the first time in 7 hours.
My aunt got all excited when the blood machine went off, saying that everything was collected. It was 1:20 when it was finally all done. I checked in at 6:30 that morning, and after all the prep, started the collection at about 7:45. Needless to say, I was very happy it was all over.
I stayed on the IV for another 10 minutes, allowing the rest of my blood to get back in. It took about 20 minutes to be able to sit up, then stand. I was just relieved my bladder wasn't exploding to the max.
So I guess the nausea left with the collection because when I hobbled back from the bathroom and there was lunch waiting for me on the bed, I swallowed it whole. I had my aunt take a (not very attractive) picture of me eating the banana to show Lou and Nancy that I was feeling a hell of a lot better. I even ate some Ms. Vicki's jalepeno chips, finishing them from the short distance from the school subway to the car.
Now I'm sitting here in my living room, typing this up, bandaid still on my left hand. (There's two pokes under this one, no way I'm taking this off on my own.) I can't believe I got to do this. I was only on the registry for a few months... and now I am sitting here, knowing that a cancer patient is receiving my life saving bone marrow.
People keep telling me that I'm a great person, their hero, and whatnot. But honestly Mom, if it wasn't for you, I don't know if I would have ever signed up. I knew that when I turned 18, I wanted to make a difference in your honor. Fate be have it, I happened to be a perfect match for someone in need. And I have you to thank for it.
It doesn't take much to be a hero. All you need to do is sign up, and let fate work it's course. I hope people read this and know that I'm not the only one who can do this. Most people can sign up; I just hope that those who are of age and of good health WILL sign up. I may have saved one life, but there are plenty of other patients out there who need help.
I know you're proud of me mom. I am so glad I could do this for you. Like Laura Lou said during her emotional closing ceremonies speech in honor of me: this is my way of fighting back. Not just having a Relay team for you, but for signing up and getting the word out for Be the Match. It's just too simple. I'm healthy and able, so there was no reason NOT to sign up.
Okay, I guess I should close this up. Yesterday was an incredible day that I will never forget. I just hope that the recipient will be okay, and will have a healthy recovery, free from cancer.
Thanks for being my inspiration mom.
Love your baby doll,
Tessy Loo Loo
P.S. For anyone who reads this, please consider signing up for the registry. It's easy to sign up. You may be called within a few weeks after registration, or never at all. But you'll never know if you can save someone who is battling a life-threatening blood disease until you make that step and sign up for the registry. Visit Be the Match today.
I can't believe I did it. I can't believe that it's all over. It seems like just yesterday I was called almost four months ago, for being a possible match. Now it's the day after for me, and the recipient is receiving my donated PBSC as I type this.
After all the shots, doctors appointments and bloodwork, the drives to UCSF, the pricking and poking, I see why I had to do this. You see mom, even though yesterday was one of the scariest days ever, considering the fact I hate hospitals and needles; What I went through in a mere five days was nothing compared to what my recipient, and all cancer patients, go through every day.
As I was sitting in the hospital bed yesterday morning, the big metal needle where the blood was coming out of me and into the spinner machine in my right arm, and they were now taking multiple tries to put an IV into my other hand, I sat there crying; hating the pricking, feeling nauseous and over-exhausted, wanting to go home. I just tried to breathe, and made myself remember that I would get to go home at the end of the day. Others are not so lucky.
I think the most annoying part of the entire day, besides my legs and arms being sore from sitting there for 7 hours, was the nausea. I threw up on the drive to SF the night before, once that morning in the hotel, once in the waiting room, and then once all over myself in the hospital bed. I knew it was the side effects from the drugs, because it had happened a couple days before. They were all worried, and one woman even wanted to draw blood for a pregnancy test. Lady, that would be a complete waste of your time, and even more pricking that I didn't want.
So trying to do this whole process on an empty stomach, causing my veins to be shy, was no bueno. Once they gave me the nausea meds that calmed me down, it was smooth sailing from there. The blood machine stopped beeping every two minute from lack of pressure, from my fingers slightly moving, or from my vein spasms. I was relaxed, watched some shows on TBS, drank some juice, and suddenly we only had one more hour to go.
As I watched the numbers on the machine go up, counting my stem cell collection count, I was relieved. I'm a visual person, and a numbers person, so it was cool to actually see the progress I was making. All they needed from me was half a bag of my stem cells, and I could watch it fill up. I could look at that, and eventually I allowed myself to move my left hand around and look at my IV, but I never had to look at right arm. I didn't even realize that my right arm was free of the needle and such until he had me start moving it up and down, for the first time in 7 hours.
My aunt got all excited when the blood machine went off, saying that everything was collected. It was 1:20 when it was finally all done. I checked in at 6:30 that morning, and after all the prep, started the collection at about 7:45. Needless to say, I was very happy it was all over.
I stayed on the IV for another 10 minutes, allowing the rest of my blood to get back in. It took about 20 minutes to be able to sit up, then stand. I was just relieved my bladder wasn't exploding to the max.
So I guess the nausea left with the collection because when I hobbled back from the bathroom and there was lunch waiting for me on the bed, I swallowed it whole. I had my aunt take a (not very attractive) picture of me eating the banana to show Lou and Nancy that I was feeling a hell of a lot better. I even ate some Ms. Vicki's jalepeno chips, finishing them from the short distance from the school subway to the car.
Now I'm sitting here in my living room, typing this up, bandaid still on my left hand. (There's two pokes under this one, no way I'm taking this off on my own.) I can't believe I got to do this. I was only on the registry for a few months... and now I am sitting here, knowing that a cancer patient is receiving my life saving bone marrow.
People keep telling me that I'm a great person, their hero, and whatnot. But honestly Mom, if it wasn't for you, I don't know if I would have ever signed up. I knew that when I turned 18, I wanted to make a difference in your honor. Fate be have it, I happened to be a perfect match for someone in need. And I have you to thank for it.
It doesn't take much to be a hero. All you need to do is sign up, and let fate work it's course. I hope people read this and know that I'm not the only one who can do this. Most people can sign up; I just hope that those who are of age and of good health WILL sign up. I may have saved one life, but there are plenty of other patients out there who need help.
I know you're proud of me mom. I am so glad I could do this for you. Like Laura Lou said during her emotional closing ceremonies speech in honor of me: this is my way of fighting back. Not just having a Relay team for you, but for signing up and getting the word out for Be the Match. It's just too simple. I'm healthy and able, so there was no reason NOT to sign up.
Okay, I guess I should close this up. Yesterday was an incredible day that I will never forget. I just hope that the recipient will be okay, and will have a healthy recovery, free from cancer.
Thanks for being my inspiration mom.
Love your baby doll,
Tessy Loo Loo
P.S. For anyone who reads this, please consider signing up for the registry. It's easy to sign up. You may be called within a few weeks after registration, or never at all. But you'll never know if you can save someone who is battling a life-threatening blood disease until you make that step and sign up for the registry. Visit Be the Match today.
Monday, July 23, 2012
For Katie.
Dear Mom,
I know most of my blogs are about you, or at least, I talk to you. But this entry is going to be a little different. I want to talk about someone else who is special to me.
This, is Katie.
I know most of my blogs are about you, or at least, I talk to you. But this entry is going to be a little different. I want to talk about someone else who is special to me.
This, is Katie.
Katie is my sorority sister. She is kind-hearted, beautiful, and is true. To herself, AGD, and with all of her friends.
She has this spirit about her that lights up the room, and she doesn't even have to try. She is one of the reasons I stuck with sorority life.
All in all, she is a great friend, and an amazing human being.
So when I checked facebook from my phone at the dinner table on June 10th, my stomach sank to the floor. You see Mom, Katie was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia. I cried and cried... I didn't want to believe it was true.
With time I have seen that Katie has been fighting, and she is even stronger than I thought. What an amazing woman. To have to go through this, yet she is still cheery whenever I talk to her. Every day I text her a random fact or quote, just to help to keep in touch with her, and to try and keep a smile on her face. I love hearing back from her... It keeps a smile on my face too. :)
If you could do anything in your power to watch over her and protect her Momma, I would love that. I can share you as my guardian angel for her.
For anyone else reading this, please pray for a healthy recovery for Katie. You can visit her CaringBridge site to donate a tribute to her!
And Katie, I love you with all my heart. This blog entry does not do you justice for how much you mean to me.
Thank you Katie, for making a difference in my life, and for being another great inspiration for me. I can't imagine what you're going through, but I do know that you are strong. And that you will beat that stupid cancer!
So now Mom, I am doing my PBSC donation for you, and for Katie. <3
I love you.
Love your baby doll,
Tessy Loo Loo
Mrs. Tess's Mom.
Dear Mom,
Awhile ago, Kayla looked through an old TP yearbook, and found this:
Awhile ago, Kayla looked through an old TP yearbook, and found this:
It makes me smile to see your handwriting. Especially since what you are writing is a (normal) smartass comment.
I remember being sad that when you taught math for my class, you hardly ever taught my group. I'm sure that was done on purpose; but I still thought it would be cool if you were my teacher.
All the kids loved you, which made me happy. Sorry, writer's block, I'm tired and can't form complete thoughts.
I'm trying to remember if it was Marshall who gave you your nickname? All I know is that you went along with it and loved helping out the class.
I guess I am too tired to think straight. Wish I had more to say but I guess this is all for now.
Love you.
Love your baby doll,
Tessy Loo Loo
Thursday, July 19, 2012
It's all in your head.
Dear Mom,
Attempting to do this from my phone... we'll see how this works out haha.
This past week I have been struggling, thinking. About school, the transplant coming up, my friends, you. I've overloaded myself with so much stress, that I'm letting my summer slip away from me. I'm trying to work on that...
I'm trying to open up more
I'm trying to be more positive
I'm trying to just let thing work their course
I really do think too much. Sometimes I get upset over the littlest things... a friend doesn't text back, people can't make plans, stupid things.
But do they really matter?
I guess what I'm trying to say that I'm growing up, and its hard. Especially without you.
But I guess the only thing I can do is enjoy the rest of my summer. I still have 5 more shows of Big River, in 12 days I am donating PBSC, Relay for Life is soon... I have so many things to look forward to, and I need to not freak out over stupid stresses.
I still haven't posted many updates on the donation... basically in one week a home hospital nurse will start the drug injections for me, and the adventure will really begin. All I have left now, is waiting.
Missing you.
Attempting to do this from my phone... we'll see how this works out haha.
This past week I have been struggling, thinking. About school, the transplant coming up, my friends, you. I've overloaded myself with so much stress, that I'm letting my summer slip away from me. I'm trying to work on that...
I'm trying to open up more
I'm trying to be more positive
I'm trying to just let thing work their course
I really do think too much. Sometimes I get upset over the littlest things... a friend doesn't text back, people can't make plans, stupid things.
But do they really matter?
I guess what I'm trying to say that I'm growing up, and its hard. Especially without you.
But I guess the only thing I can do is enjoy the rest of my summer. I still have 5 more shows of Big River, in 12 days I am donating PBSC, Relay for Life is soon... I have so many things to look forward to, and I need to not freak out over stupid stresses.
I still haven't posted many updates on the donation... basically in one week a home hospital nurse will start the drug injections for me, and the adventure will really begin. All I have left now, is waiting.
Missing you.
Love Your Baby Doll,
Tessy Loo Loo .
Monday, July 9, 2012
"Your Mother and Mine."
Dear Mom,
I can't seem to get myself to sleep, because I have this song stuck in my head. This happened while trying to google "disney mom quotes" and this was the only thing that came up.
She's the angel voice that bids you goodnight
Kisses your cheek, whispers, "Sleep tight."
What makes mothers all that they are?
Might as well ask, "What makes a star?"
Ask your heart to tell you her worth
Your heart will say ,"Heaven on earth."
I never really listened to this song before. Now I will.
I miss you a lot mommy. Sorry I haven't updated this blog much. I've been meaning to do an update with my bone marrow stuff, but I keep forgetting. I will, soon.
Love your babydoll,
Tessy Loo Loo
I can't seem to get myself to sleep, because I have this song stuck in my head. This happened while trying to google "disney mom quotes" and this was the only thing that came up.
She's the angel voice that bids you goodnight
Kisses your cheek, whispers, "Sleep tight."
What makes mothers all that they are?
Might as well ask, "What makes a star?"
Ask your heart to tell you her worth
Your heart will say ,"Heaven on earth."
I never really listened to this song before. Now I will.
I miss you a lot mommy. Sorry I haven't updated this blog much. I've been meaning to do an update with my bone marrow stuff, but I keep forgetting. I will, soon.
Love your babydoll,
Tessy Loo Loo
Monday, June 11, 2012
Stressed. But what else is new?
Dear Mom,
This has been a roller coaster of a weekend. To put in as few words as possible: you never know what life is going to throw at you. And time is a precious thing. I wish everything that my friends are going through would just go away and we all could live a simple care-free summer. But I know life doesn't work like that. The new set of graduates are leaving (3 are going out of state), and I guess it's just hitting me hard. Plus, my friend from school received some of the worst news of her life.
Sometimes I shut myself out when I'm sad. Then I remind myself how blessed I am to have such supportive friends.
This has been a roller coaster of a weekend. To put in as few words as possible: you never know what life is going to throw at you. And time is a precious thing. I wish everything that my friends are going through would just go away and we all could live a simple care-free summer. But I know life doesn't work like that. The new set of graduates are leaving (3 are going out of state), and I guess it's just hitting me hard. Plus, my friend from school received some of the worst news of her life.
Sometimes I shut myself out when I'm sad. Then I remind myself how blessed I am to have such supportive friends.
With all these goofy faces, it's hard to stay stressed. Thank goodness I get to see a lot of these doofs more often now.
Anyway, don't worry about me. I just worry about my friends when things get tough for them. I hope things clear up soon.
Miss you. <3 Please watch over Katie for me in her new life journey. Hopefully I will get myself to write more about that later.
Love your Baby Doll,
Tessy Loo Loo
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)